


Silence

by GoldenArgent25



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Self-Harming Harry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 16:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12868464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenArgent25/pseuds/GoldenArgent25
Summary: Synopsis:On 31st December, Louis W. Tomlinson, at the ripe age of 22 married the love of his life, Eleanor Calder. They were happy. But most of all, in love.Seven years later, Elenour dies. However, she not only left memories, oh so beautiful memories, for her husband. No, she also left him a letter.A letter that force louis to question the previous 7 years of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm pretty new to this website actually...and I have never ever post anything before. So this is my first...my baby. 
> 
> I suck at synopsis actually. But, please read. I promise you it will be a journey filled with nothing but tears-happy and sad tears-and love and friendship.
> 
> Happy reading...

Chapter one

Part One: Denial.

It was yet again raining. Thunder cracking and lightning flashing before his eyes. The sight should frightened every souls that looked at it but not one soul named Louis. As his eyes were blank of emotion except for-no, he won't give in to that emotion. For if he gave in, Louis would yet again, undoubtedly, feel the emotions like waves crashes upon the sand. The yearn to give in was strong but Louis' fortress were stronger. 

If it were a normal stormy day, Louis and Eleanor would be cuddling on their love seat with a cup of tea-each, and watch rom-com. He hated romantic comedies. But Eleanor had loved them so much. Who was he, a doting husband, to restrict his wife's preference? Years and years later, it became their thing. Louis and Eleanor's thing. 

But now...All Louis could do was stare at the window, hypnotizedly watching the rushing droplets running down the window, the loud thunder cracking the silent background every moment.

No...Eleanor's not dead! Louis shouted albeit in his head, it made the pain receade. But why was he reminiscing his time with her as if she was!? She's not dead. Not dead. She's just gone. Yes, Eleanor Tomlinson neè Calder was just gone. And Louis-

A knock sounded against the door. Without waiting for a respond, the person entered. Jay Tomlinson entered, eyes red and blotched cheeks, due to the unrelentless crying she did for the past week. The death of her daughter in-law hit them hard, but the most wounded one wasn't her nor her other children. But the man who isolates himself in their- Louis and Eleanor's bedroom. Hiding away from the harsh reality. A reality that he has yet to accept. It tore her heart to see her son hurting tremendously in his wife's death.

"Louis," her voice calmed his bundled nerves. He released hushed sobs. Jay neared her son, sitting by the edge of the bed. Her hand rose to touch his shoulder but it went down after thinking about it. Suddenly, something collided into her body. Arms wrapped around her and face planted in the crook of her neck, the boy she called her son let out his unshielded sobs. It tore through him as it came. And Johanna felt utterly helpless as she caress his dull hair.

"I know it's hard, darling." She started. "But, Louis it's been a week you have isolated youself in this room. You barely eat, sleep." Then she realized that she was nagging and she knew that perhaps now was not the time to nag at him. He needed comforting. Then, with a softer tone, almost barely inaudible to his ears, she said, "It's not healthy, Lou. Come, follow me downstairs. I'll cook some meal for you." Jay pulled his hand after she stood up.

But the boy would not budge. "Boo, come on. You need some food in you. Please." Jay kept pulling until she relented, sighing a breath of defeat. She sat beside her son yet again. "I know you're hurting and I was going to it you later... After you get some food in you." Again, she sighed. "Perhaps, now is better." She slipped something into Louis' hands. He looked down and saw it was an envelope addressed to him in an achingly familiar cursive handwriting. 

-LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON-

His eyes widened, starring at the letter as though he'd seen a ghost. "S-she wrote this? For me?" He rasped, finally his voice was used, after a long time. His hands shook but then again his whole body was shaking like a tree being blown by the wind. "Where did you found this? Where?!" Louis stood on both his legs, rage began clouding his mind. How dare she?! Going through Eleanor's stuffs. 

"In a black leathered book, in between pages. Lou!" She called out when she saw his angered face. But softened when words has had no effect on the man now. He was beyond consoling now. 

"Mum! How dare you! Don't touch her things like that! Eleanor wouldn't like it." He bellowed, veins strained against his skin. 

"Lou..."

"Just...just get out, mum. Please." Anger were washed away and was replaced by the achingly familiar pain and sadness. Louis' body shuddered as sobs wrecked through his body. And Jay, helpless, obliged. She understood that that there were no point in going against a man drowning in grief. Soon, Jay Tomlinson was out of the room.

~♤~

He found himself laying on the bed once again in a dark room. The short hand on the clock was aligned with the number 6 yet still sleep had deserted Louis. There were no surprise there. He knew he was tired- mentaly and emotionally tired and weary. But physically, it was as though he had eaten thousands of chocolate bars in a day. 

However, louis still beg he could just sleep...close his eyes. Wished he could find respite from being drowned in the hammering pain against his chest and sadness that loomed over his head like a grey cloud. Even if he wanted to sleep, Louis could not. Not with the mocking empty space that used to be hers. The ghostly fingers of his beautiful wife that used to wrap around his torso and light feathery kisses that drop like droplets of rain down his back. 

Stop!

No, he can't ever get that anymore does he? But she's not gone. Eleanor is just gone. She'll come back. Back into his arms where she belong.

However as time past, slipped through his fingers, his thoughts flew to the envelope that he'd yet to open. He'd want to open it but that would make feel all kind of emotions he'd wanted to avoid.

Louis took the letter in his hand, the longer it remained unopened in his hand the more weight he felt. And so, he opened the envelope with trembling hands. Waiting for him was Eleanor's beautiful cursive handwriting.

Louis William Tomlinson

My dearest husband,

I love you. That would be the first thing i want and would say to you everyday. Everyday for the past seven years. But unfortunately, after this, after today, I wouldn't be able to say those words to you-to my husband for the rest of your remaining life. I know you'll think that I'm going away far too early. But my dear, I really think-I am convinced that it is the perfect timing. If I were to live much longer, I wouldn't be able to give you anything other than my love and my soul. Even though, to you that'll be enough, but for me, it would seem as though I have failed you as a wife by not giving you children. Alas, I'm truly sorry, my dear husband. 

Louis William Tomlinson, the man I have fallen in love with her best friend from the very first moment we met. I know, I lied. But that was when you said you hated clichès so much. And so, being the girl that's trying to impress her crush, I said I've in love with her best friend. However, be mad at me, I wouldn't regret anything I've done and said. Because if I ever do so, it would mean I regret meeting you. Truth is, Louis, I cannot regret marrying you because you saved me. You took me in when my family died. You saved me from being alone for the rest of my life. 

I wish I could do the same for you. And I already did, for the past seven years. I held you in the morning and I lay beside you at night. I gave you comfort when you needed it. And as a wife it is my duty to give you everything. But know this, I've only done it out of my love for you and not by force..

With an anguish scream, the letter in his hands were rumpled.No, he thought. The pain, the grief, the burried emotions that threatens to haunt his crippled soul-no, Louis surely couldn't get though the letter withouth facing the truth. He can't, absolutely can't. Not while Eleanor's memories still fresh as the freshest flowers at the market and stuck in his mind.

Louis threw the letter across the room, imagining it as if he was throwing all his anger and pain he felt out of the window of his soul. But as soon as he heard the soft thud the crumpled letter made when it reached the floor. Louis launched his body forward, reaching out for the letter. He craddled the letter in his hands and brought it to his chest like a man held a baby dearly. "Oh, I'm sorry Eleanor. I'm sorry. So sorry. I shouldn't-I-" In a matter of seconds, Louis was reduced to a haunched and sobbing figure on the floor. The tears pouring down his cheeks like a waterfall.

The effects of gravity.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no experience with grief...if you could call the sad feeling that i get when two of my cats die is grief then i dont know what is. 
> 
> I tried my best

It took weeks for Louis to finally muster the courage, to gather any strength he had left for him to face his family. When he did, it was a week after Jay had handed him the letter. The pain had not lessened but it did not go away. He was starting to believe that it will be his constant companion for the rest of his remaining life. 

His cheeks had sunken from the lack of nutrients in his body. His once crystalize sky eyes had lost its' shine and glimmer. And if course, Louis had always beeen that one boy who excersice but would never gain any muscles. However, his body wan the epitome of skeleton.

Louis sauntered down the spiral stairs of his apartment unenthusiastically. Immediately, his eyes went to the two figures sitting in his 'L' shaped sofa. Lottie had his mother stopd upon his arrival, concern etched on their faces. Nevermined that he was the main source of it, but he could not found himself to feel at least sad or remorse for his family. Once he reached the bottom, Louis was embraced by two warm hands.

For once he accept the comfort he was given.

Jay and Lottie released him. Just with one look, Louis could basically hear the unspoken whisper of questions stuck at the tip of their tongue. He knew but decided to ignore it. It would do more bad than good. 

He ought to have said that he's okay...but that would be a lie. Instead what came out of his mouth was, "I'm hungry." And he wasn't lying. For all of the times he had locked himself in his room, the need to eat was the last thing on his mind. Now, not only he felt the aftereffects or rather the repercussions of his actions, he found out the pain had intesified with every minute passing. 

Lottie looked perplexed but his mother only smiled and moved towards the kitchen. No questions asked. Good. He and Lottie sat on the stool while watching their mother taking out something from the cabinets. The two watched quietly in a promised silence; she wouldn't ask him questions and he would have his preferred silence.

Once it was finished; it was pancakes, swiftly he finished it in record time. Exactly like a man starved. 

"Where are the little ones? Doris and Earnest?" He spoke suddenly. 

Next to him him Lottie scoffed and put on a blank face. But Louis knew better. Knew his sister. However a look from Jay had ceased her irrelevent actions. Louis gave his mother a silent 'thank you' through his small and brief smile. Despite Jay's warnings, Lottie continued on keeping her stoic face as she turned to look at her brother. "Felicitè and the twins are babysitting them." Jay answered softly. 

"Until when?" Louis almost scoffed. Sure Felicitè and the twins were big enough but surely not mature enough to care for children...twins at that. "With Daisy and Phoebe against Felicitè alone? That wouldn't be smart." 

"Well, until-" Jay started but his sister cut right through. 

"If NOTHING here concerns me, I guess I should leave..." the stool screeched behing her as she stood. Her blank facadè had irrevocably turned into an untame furious demeanor. As she glared towards the man she called her brother, whispers of her voice echoed as she walked away towards the exit. 

An awkward cough sounded from his mother. "Never mind her then, Lou." 

Yes, Louis could care less about his sister anyway, at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to make of this chapter. But I guess it was just a moment where idea suddenly blows away your head.... 
> 
> Thank you for reading (if there is any reader) 
> 
> Comment below. 
> 
> Treat people how you want to be treated.
> 
> Love,   
> GoldenArgent25


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: this is only fiction 
> 
> Note to readers... I will update this fan fiction randomly. 
> 
> Okay? 
> 
> Okay.

Two pair of arms his torso. He almost stumbled from the impact but thankfully his feet supported him "Louis!" He look down to see his pair of twin sisters. As he went down to his knees, his eyes finally received the full condition of his sisters. They looked tired, he noted, when he saw the bags under each of their eyes. His hands automatically raised to their head and caress them. In return the twins gave a sad smile. 

"Hey girls..." he said with a weak voice. "How are you doing? You look terrible by the way." He joked lightly, in an attempt to lightened up the mood. 

The sad smile never went away, even when they opened their mouth to reply. An emotion flashed through Louis' face at the action; frustration. But if anything Louis had learned from the past two and a half weeks, was ignorance. It was better for him to ignore any type of actions, gesture or emotions that relate to grief or pity. Anything but pity. "Not funny, Lou." Daisy hit her brother's shoulder lightly. "You can thanks Doris and Earnie for those panda eyes. They weren't exactly being merciless on us and Licitè." 

While they were talking, he could not stop looking at his sisters fondly. As they retold their week with the 3 year old twins, now he realized just how strong and independent and grown up they were. Well, at least, albeit, more stronger than he was. "Yeah, I'm sure." He commented eventhough he had no idea what they were talking about. "Well, come on then. I'm sure mom is wondering for us." Daisy and Phoebe nodded,as they walked towards the backyard they pulled his hands along the way.

The minute they walked into the backyar where they light up a bonfire, they received attention from the rest of their family. All of the Tomlinson-Deakin family gathered around, wrapped in a blanket, enjoying the cool night air. The twins sat at either side ofJay while Louis took the the only empty seat left; next to Felicitè. As he sat, Felicitè turned towards her brother. At the corner of his eyes he saw Lottie scoffed at the sight of his him and turned towards Dan, who gave a discouraging frown to her. As for Felicitè, well, he could ignore he for a little longer. 

Yesterday, Dan had invited everyonex to a bonfire for a get-together. At first, Louis ought to decline because he knew the hidden agenda behind these invitations; they wanted him to stop moping around his apartment. Perhaps, a mother's instinct, Jay had interrupt his plan and practically begged him to go. At first he was adamant about not going, not giving any valid nor reasonable excuse. But the moment Jay mentioned his younger siblings, he relented. 

Eventhough he decided to go, does not mean he was going to to participate in any activities they'd do though. 

A cough caught his attention. Dan stood at his spot, eyes looking fondly at his family. But when those eyes reached Louis it softened added with a tinge of bittersweet pity. Louis looked down at his lap. Another cough, "Thank you for coming here. The reason that I invited everyone for a get-together bonfire, was, well, to celebrate new years. I realized we didn't get to spend new years together...properly." the man nervously scrathced at his wrist. "So, I took the liberty to do it." He stared at the five before him. So many needed to be said but less had the courage to escape from his mouth. Because, he knew, deep within his conscious, that ine wrong word something bad will happen. And he absolutely did not want that. He raised his glass of hot chocolate and everyone followed, "To family." He cheers.

Wrong move, Dan thought. 

Louis immediately took off just as Dan mentioned the word family. As he watched Louis' retreating figure, he can't help but sighed, defeated and perhaps, guilty. But at the comforting hand on his lap says otherwise. His wife could only afford to give him a small smile that hid thousands of meanings.

Then out of the blue a voice spoke. They turned towards it. "I'll go get him." She said and immediately took off to fetch her only brother. 

"Thank you, Felicitè."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do people even read this?? 

**Author's Note:**

> Any thoughts? 
> 
> Comment below. I don't accept any rude comments...
> 
> Treat people how you want to be treated...
> 
> Love,  
> GoldenArgent25


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